I got….The Call… There I was, simply making a box of macaroni and cheese for lunch. Unexpectedly, the phone rang. I put down my wooden spoon and turned down the heat to bring my noodles to simmer for the perfect al dente . I reached over the counter and picked up the receiver. “Hello?…” I […]
Patient Zero Monkeypox
The World Health Organization believes they have identified the primary vector showing patient zero with monkeypox in the latest outbreak. Sergey ‘Serg’ Chicken is seen here with his long time companion monkey named ‘Cheesecake’ standing in front of the original headquarters of Google. At that time, Google was a struggling vegetable and fruit store with […]
Put on Bread & Water
The Mrs. put me on bread & water again. I know, I know… She probably feels she was entitled to do it. And I may have actually earned it but who’s to say? I might submit that it is a matter of point of view. Here are MY facts. All I did was go next […]
Freud’s Aura Sculpted
Art and science grew greatly after the turn of 1900’s. Both of these worlds would seem to develop new styles or themes that others might harness and develop. Rarely did the two collide. One of the few examples was when Oscar Chicken was able to convince Sigmund Freud to have his Aura sculpted subtractively. In […]
Classic Chicken Theater
Welcome to Classic Chicken Theater Playhouse. This organization was founded by honored and awarded namesake, Chainsaw Chicken, to help others learn and shape their craft of classical acting. Chainsaw’s primary belief is that the actors need to take generally known plays and add challenges to the overall theme. All plays are done with the players […]
New Defendant in Jan 6 Investigation
Today the January 6th committee of the House of Representatives announced unofficially that their investigation is now adding Chainsaw Chicken to their list of potential defendants to be subpoenaed. A clerk who wished to remain anonymous stated that “While we know he was not in the Capitol, not in the rally, not in the D.C. […]
Final Sentiments
Uncle Cluck’s life ended with a parting gesture expressing his final sentiments. Final services were held at Kwaa Loon Kitchen, on south Broadway Street in downtown. Attendance was limited to two tables each seating four. No family members were allowed to attend because of local health codes. Additionally, there was a genuine fear of ‘copy […]
Chicken & Real Star Soup
Campbell’s Soup has selected Chainsaw Chicken to be the new label icon for the longtime favorite product “Chicken & Stars”. “I’m simply the best spokes person they could ever find” said Chainsaw. “I’m a chicken and I am a REAL star”. No one can debate either point!” The soup executives could not agree more. They […]
She dumped me for Bill
My Uncle, Sussman Chicken, always seemed to have a real thing for Hillary Rodham. They were in law school together, he hung out with her at the frat parties and sock hops. Sussman even had a pet name for her. It was Hillary ‘Hot Rod’ Rodham! I know… Pretty painful. They had a pretty active […]
Chainsaw Joins Ukraine
Flying several sorties each day, he concentrated on self-selected targets including a laxative factory and a couscous storehouse in Russian territory. Twice he has played ‘chicken’ with enemy jets, always winning. Incidentally, the plane is equipped with many secret compartments to bring back “the BIG Guy’s 10%” from Ukrainian investments when he returns back to […]
VP Harris’ New Messaging
The White House is remarkably silent after the announcement of VP Harris’ New Messaging approach. With her ever increasing number of staffers jumping ship, there was a concern about the VP’s messaging. Realizing this, the VP seized on the suggestion made of the Greg Gutfeld Show, stated by regular Tyrus, “that everything she says sounds […]
Mud Hens Catcher
One of the lessor known members of the Mud Hens was their catcher, named Rudy ‘Bath House’ Chicken. Rudy was a very friendly guy to the team. Always the funny guy in the locker room, especially in the showers. He was known to frequent bath houses in each city the team traveled to. That’s how […]
New Dis-Info Czar
New Dis-Info Czar, O’Brien Chicken, was appointed as the replacement for the misaligned predecessor whose tenure ended faster than CNN-plus. Yes, with the embarrassment of a cancelled Broadway show, Dis-Info Czar appointee Nina Jankowicz resigned her position stating the “disinformation ruined her position as disinformation czar”. Suddenly, DHS was at a loss as what to […]
New Adult Party Place
A new adult party place was launched outside of the regional headquarters of Tyson Chicken in Springdale, Arkansas. While admittedly these establishments are clearly not for everyone, the popularity of adult party businesses have been increasing throughout the country. In this photo, taken by a local newspaper reporter. He was also attending the launch. He […]
Not me…really!
The internet has been all a buzz about Joe Biden getting pooped on by a bird when he spoke in Iowa. You probably saw it on the news. When that happened, people all over started suggesting it was me, Chainsaw. That I was the one in the rafters. It was not me…really! Clearly that’s not […]
Chainsaw Gets 33rd Degree
In a surprise ceremony at Chainsaw Chicken International, Ltd, Chainsaw was so astonished to learn that he had been awarded the honors of a 33rd Degree Freemason of the Scottish Rite. With that, comes membership in the Illuminati as well as New World Order using Build Back Better. Who would have known that the lunch […]
Financial Yacht Party
My Uncle, Hunter Chicken, was commissioned to bring his 75 meter yacht to the coastal area of Delaware for those ‘hanger-ons’ and “unofficial” foreign government representatives of the current administration to party with the son of the ‘big guy’. There the twins from Ukraine, Mushi and Pushi. There’s Shemi from Uzbekistan and there’s Miss Columbia’s […]
Bringing Back Walt
In a somewhat predictable move today, the largest minority share holders of Disney stock (DIS) have hired Dr. DeBakie Chicken to manage a controversial move. What move? It seems that this minority block has persuaded a Disney employee to remove the frozen head of Walt Disney from the cryogenic vault below Disneyland where the founders […]
The last known Yhicken
The last known Yhicken Indian, ‘Fri’ was also claimed to be the last “wild” Native American Poultry. A survivor of the 1976 Three Processors Massacre. He was found alone near the processing plant in White Water, Arkansas in 1981. He was on the verge of death. In August of that year, Fri was placed under […]
Time-Travel Success
Rosco Chicken turned to his younger cousin Waldo Chickadee in order to synchronize the simultaneous launch of their science project. When both operators pushed their buttons, a flash of color filled the air. They later called this “The Pepto Bismol Blast” with it’s bright pink blast of energy. Waldo and Rosco had made this discovery […]