I was taking a tour of the Penn-Biden institute. I had been invited to join a group of post-graduate student that had a one-half of one percent top I.Q. They showed us many rooms and wall certificates from countries all over the world. There were also letters of appreciation and trophies. That was all fine […]
Giving Keynote at Davos
For the third time in as many years, Chainsaw has been asked to be the keynote speaker at the World Economic Forum in Davos, Switzerland. Internal documents from Chainsaw Chicken International, Ltd have been leaked on the talking points of the conference. Other guests will be speaking about the following; Purposeful degrading of North American […]
My New Buddy, Klaus
My new buddy is Klaus. He’s this German guy who runs some special group in Europe that thinks they should rule the world, cull the human species and control the ones that live. Here he is giving me the sacred scroll of membership into the new world order. He’s teaching me how to speak to […]
Lost Star Trek Episode
If you check the official studio listings you won’t find it. If you asked Bill Shatner he will tell you that “You are crazy. Didn’t happen, You are nutz!” You could own every TV Guide from 1966 to 1969 and you won’t see it in the listings. But when I was visiting my uncle Jerome […]
The Feel of Vinyl
I’m not sure if Mrs. Chicken is trying have fun with me or if she’s serious. She talked me into wearing one of these all-over vinyl suit, mask and all. I have trouble breathing and it is hot. I sweat like the dickens when I wear it. She says she thinks I look like a […]
I feel better now
I really do feel better now. Just had my last ECT treatment. The full medical name is Electroconvulsive therapy. Things seem so much clearer now. Why did I ever question things like the elections, vaccinations, origins of covid, the ‘laptop from hell’ and soy being put in everything? Sure, I was a little obsessive about […]
Go Home Chainsaw!
It seems that Chainsaw’s brand of focusing on truth and real information is not appreciated in all locations. Hanging in effigy from a multi-floor building in Old Town Portland, Oregon is a rubber chicken and the words painted next to it, “Go Home – Chainsaw”! “Some people just can’t stand hearing the reality of the […]
A New Pecking Order
You’d think that Chainsaw Chicken lived at the 118th Congress. There’s this interloper that has decided to roost in his place and he has challenged Chainsaw in the pecking order. They’ve gone back and forth as leader of the house 15 times! He needs Mrs. Chicken to step in. Just hope she doesn’t vote ‘present’.
New Favorite Martian
With all the re-launches, re-boots and re-inventing of television shows, Chainsaw thought he finally had an idea that could make the T.V. studios sit up and take notice. He finally got a meeting with the head of programming at CBS. Now was his chance. As he entered his office he said “Okay, here’s my pitch. […]
Chainsaw may Judge VOICE
In a stunning announcement, the National Broadcasting Company has listed Chainsaw Chicken as one of the finalist to replace Blake Sheldon as a judge. Sheldon has been the only judge to be on every show since its beginnings in 2011. With Sheldon representing the Country Music side of the industry, Chainsaw represents the less appreciated […]
Mass Chicken Murder
Have you noticed all the reports this year of “mass culling” of millions of chickens and turkeys? The corporate media blames it on “avian influenza” that’s acquired from “wild birds” flying across the country, they claim. Because of these wild birds, tens of millions of chickens and turkeys have to be slaughtered, they insist. I […]
Mr. DJ, would you play…?
“Hello??? Mr. DJ??? This is Betty Shields. I’m the President of the Malibu League of the Chainsaw Chicken Fan Club”. “Well hello little girl”, the DJ replied. “I wasn’t aware of any club like that. Who’s it for? Some Chicken?” “Oh yes sir!” She exclaimed; “He is very special. At least to us. He is […]
Too Much Christmas Cheer?
We had a Christmas party this year at Chainsaw Chicken International, Ltd. Everyone had a great time. We had a White Elephant gift exchange. Every time someone exchanged a gift, we all had to take a drink. Soon, the room reeked of Egg Nog and Spiced Rum mixed with some Mountain Dew. I have to […]
Taking the Deep Dive
In an attempt to be the first, Chainsaw Chicken has made arrangements to walk from San Fransisco, California to Honolulu, Hawaii… under water. We know that the popular notion is that it is simply impossible to travel that far under water. But, in the age of identifying one’s self as “whatever I need to be”, […]
Fake Abduction
UFO’s are now called Unidentified Aerial Phenomena or UAP’s. There has been a drastic increase in their sightings. So many videos have surfaced from military jets chasing after these strangers from outer space. But have you heard of the more chilling news about abductions? Literally dozens of people around the United States have been reported […]
Dog Attacks Family
It seems that tragedy is always standing arms length from the Chainsaw Chicken family. Last weekend was no exception. As the family enjoyed a simple picnic at a local park, little did they know that a paralyzing event was about to happen. As the family enjoyed their pickle loaf sandwiches and basked in the warm […]
People Magazine
People Magazine has added to it’s offerings of ‘special issues’ by printing an issue titled “Sexy Critter in the Yard”. Many in the media see this as an attempt to recapture the readership base which has fallen for the last several years. Morti Goldstein of the Ad agency in his own name stated, “Many failing […]
Ex-Storm Trooper
Boy did I step in it! In the last few months Disney had waived some of their hiring standards and I got a gig being a Storm Trooper at the Star Wars ride. We had to learn to march and practice different formations. I was actually doing a pretty good job with it. I really […]
Quickdraw McChicken
The Cowboy and Indians Museum in Norman, Oklahoma announced today that they have selected my uncle, Quickdraw McChicken, to be their newest honoree. This brings attention to the pending lawsuit the family of Quickdraw McChicken has against McDonald’s Hamburgers over the ownership of the McChicken name. This name has been used, advertised, profited and maintained […]
Torsion Collider Discovery
Professor Xavier Chicken stumbled upon a mathematical theory that combines quantum physics with long division resulting in a new scientific realization of a Torsion Collider Discovery. No longer is it only CERN that can create alternate realities and ‘God Particles’. With an heavy accent as thick as Klaus Schwab, Professor X. Chicken said at his […]