Last Friday, as I was on my way out to go clubbing with Caitlin Jenner, I had to swing by Walmart to take back an item. When I got up to the agent she asked for the item to be refunded. I had a slice of pizza in the bag from one of their pre-made […]
North Korea Missile Launch
North Korea shook its chubby little hand at the Western World last week when they launched the Pyongyang’s version of a sea-launched ballistic missile. Chick-Jong-Phew, (seen here with the official country haircut), Supreme Leader of North Korea, witnessed the launch of the ‘Zypie Whon’. An unguided collection of king-size bottle-rockets wrapped together and dipped into […]
Chainsaw, Bill and Monica
Chainsaw Chicken (seen sitting at the desk behind) was the exclusive cigar merchant for the Clinton Administration. He lived two floors above Monica Lewinsky in the Watergate apartments and was the contact between Bill and Monica. It is rumored that Bill, Chainsaw and Monica met at his apartment for Ménage à trois (which is French […]
BREAKING NEWS
This Just In… In a stunning situation reversal, porn has-been Stormy Daniels is denying the reports that she would not accept $130 to have a one-night stand with history revisionist Chainsaw Chicken. Details remain blurry but Chainsaw Chicken’s attorney, Cluck Bones, had his office, home and coop raided by authorities to try to link this […]
Easter Bunny Training
“Spring has sprung… The grass has riz… I wonder where the bunnies is?” According to Chainsaw Chicken, they are all in advance Easter production.”There are a ton of Easter baskets needing to be filled with bunny eggs”. Consider the concept of changing over the process of what bunnies traditionally drop in the yard to something […]
Yugo Limo for Hire
Always ready to take advantage of a deal when it rolls around, Chainsaw has purchased this very hard to find and extremely unique Yugo custom limousine from a Croatian car dealer. “There’s row after row of seating. It’s very special. Just in time for prom and the Wine tours. I only wish there would have […]
Scarce As Hen’s Teeth
A saying from the 18th century, it is somewhat accurate for the phylum of domesticated chicken, Gallus Gallus Domestica. However, there is a superior specie called Carnivorous Gallus Ubiquitous that did, in fact, have a large, serrated, toothed upper and lower beak. Scientist have long postulated that current inherent fears of certain creatures came from years […]
Remember Jr. High girls?
Think back to those Junior High or Middle School dances. It seemed that all the girls would group together against one wall. I never could figure out why they did that, but you have to remember the lights were turned down. It was probably providence acting to save me from meeting my next ex-wife. […]
‘Crocky’ Finally Located
Known for his hi jinks and tom-foolery, ‘Crocky’ Chicken, (born Eugene Palmaroy Chicken) was finally located yesterday. He was an employee at the Queensland Regional Dangerous Animal Park. Rumor had it that he had walked away from his job after failing to appears for the third sequential personal safety meeting. “Sheba”, the star salt-water croc, […]
Chainsaw Musk
Before the Tesla Electric Cars, before the space ships and colonizing Mars concepts, before Zip2, before X.com (both household business names, right?) there was Chainsaw Musk. He’s the grand uncle of Elon. He created the first car that ran on something other than petroleum or steam. When he was in South Africa he discovered one […]
More Yearbook Trouble
Going back into someone’s past has become quiet fashionable within the media. Chainsaw Chicken is not immune to this practice so he has released his yearbook photo page from his 6th year at Whatsamatta University. Chainsaw stated “I have never seen this yearbook until the press pointed out this page. I have ordered a copy […]
Viking Heritage
Okay… I admit it. I keep seeing that commercial about a guy looking at his ancestry. I decides to use my DNA to show where my family is from according to factors within the chromosomes and blood elements. So, I tried it and this is what I got for results; The first reply stated that […]
‘Chuck Atlas’ Chicken
Many of us grew up seeing ads similar to this one on the back or inside pages of comic books and teen magazines. If you could dig one up and take another look at it you would see that it was Chainsaw ‘Chuck Atlas’ Chicken pumping his guns on the bright yellow background. Go take […]
ISIS Takes a Brother
Seen on the Al-Ma-Nut-Job web site today is a photo of the leader of ISIS, Abba Zabba, holding the head of a local Christian Church Leader. His name was Bob Chicken. An official protest was filed at the Swiss council but fell on deaf ears. A new memorandum is being sent to Past Secretary of […]
Who wears rubber masks?
I tell you. I can’t understand this one. This is not Halloween. This is something else. Can you believe that in some cultures there are groups of people that wear rubber masks of bird heads? Ridiculous! I just don’t see the point, if there is one. I have seen a video of “10 Creepiest things […]
Zodiac Re-Opened
The sleepy city of Tierra Del Fuego in Central California raised its head to see this new sketch of the infamous Zodiac Killer that terrorized their community years ago. This new drawing has emerged from one of the only surviving witnesses latest descriptions. Using a new mind numbing procedure, it allowed the witness to gather […]
Where’s Dirty Harry?
Chief Heather Thong or Fong (left), is the first SFPD female, lesbian chief of police. Harry (next) is the first trans species detective formally a duck to a chicken. Theresa Sparks (center), a former male, is president of the San Francisco Police Commission, CEO of a multi-million dollar sex toy retailer offering a new “Dirty […]
El Pollo Comancheros
The Chicken Feathers Gang headed by “El Wapo Pollo Pluma” (great grandfather to Chainsaw Chicken) was a notorious southern border mercenary gang in the 1870’s. In fact, the popular belief that the movie Magnificent Seven was based on the Japanese story of the Seven Samuri’s is a misconception to some degree. Both stories are based […]
Early Chicken Worship
In the middle-ages, the early family of Chainsaw Chicken had followers that would dawn outfits made of hand sewn burlap and dried gourds to imitate his look. Thus capturing in their minds the powers and presence of their hero. Seen here is a early tin-type of a Chainsaw Chicken Chorus group chanting during the half-time […]
My New Girlfriend
Mrs. Chainsaw Chicken and I have what would be labeled as an ‘open relationship‘. More specifically, I have an open relationship, she is monogamous. But in my defense, I am a rooster… a MALE rooster. So there’s my excuse. I said all that to say this. Meet my girlfriend Shebooka. I playfully call her ‘She-Bazooka”. […]