That’s how Nova described the feeling of ‘going to second base’ at least in the first working title of the movie ‘American MILF’ later changed to ‘American Pie’. In fact, an entire second unit was used to film an alternative movie, staring Chainsaw Chicken (known as Johnny Longbow). The film later entered the soft-core market […]
New Friends to the Rescue
My niece was driving in the badlands of New Mexico last week and evidently took a wrong road. She followed it for miles until her TomTom GPS device stopped saying “Turn around and head back to the last town” and started saying, “Don’t Stop, Whatever you do! Your goose will be cooked”. She called me […]
Chicken-Fest 2018
Chainsaw Chicken-Fest 2018 took place with many top rated bands. Bands performing many hits from the 50’s. through the present. Music included the following; Zac Brown Band played ‘Chicken Fried’, The Lost Trailers played ‘Chicken Fried Feet’ , Cowboy Troy played ‘I Played Chicken With The Train’, The Voice Of Harlem played .Chicken Noodle Soup’, […]
Bare Back Mountain?
Chainsaw Chicken replaced Jake Gyllenhaal in the Swahili version of Brokeback Mountain called “Kuvunja nyuma Kuku Hill”. Chaingun Chicken
Kneel ‘baby’!
Colin Kaepernick, I have a message too… Much like Colin’s message, only different. It is as follows: “Believe Anything. Even if it means sacrificing something.” Chainsaw Chicken Peeps
Black Moon Cult on Parade
Chainsaw Chicken is a dedicated cult member of the ‘Black Moon’ society where he recently reached the title of “Lamp Wick” after being a “Grease Lug” for years at that rank. Next he is working to become a “Space Visor” which is comparable to a 33rd degree Mason. Chicken-dactyl Called Foo
He Made His Bones
“You’s guys must respect his works and acheivemental accolades” piped Sonny-Boys as they vacationed at the Florida shore. “How’s ya’s thunk he earns his ‘nick’?… ‘Chainsaw’? He buzzed them undesirables into breakfast sausage.” The Capo’s all posed for a remembrance photo. Seen on the far left is Errol “The horse” (he owns a stable I […]
Ryan the Raker
Chicken Steals UFO
As crazy as it sounds, yes! Chainsaw Chicken was able to commandeer and abandoned Unidentified Flying Object left at a community playground in La Cross, Wisc. “The technology is really something” stated Chainsaw. “It was disguised as playground equipment where children could crawl and pretend to fly away. But I figured out the method of […]
Slim Whitman Remixed
“When I’m calling yooooooOOOOoooOOOoOOOO… You’ll be calling me, toooooooOOOoooOOoooo…” Ah yes, remember that stirring sound made so popular at all your favorite watering holes, lounges, casino bars and many truck stops? And that tragic year of 2013? Slim yodeled his way to his heavenly host and that meant that the world had lost their favorite […]
Before Sonny & Cher…
Yes, before there was Sonny and Cher, there was ‘Mavet and Cher’. They had a moderate career in the Haight-Ashbury district in San Francisco. When Mavet learned that his stage name meant ‘death’ in Hebrew, he decided to use his actual name being Mortimer Chicken. But Mortimer and Cher as a stage name didn’t fly […]
Klondike Nuptials
‘Deadpan’ Chicken, an ancestor of Chainsaw Chicken during the gold rush in the late 1800’s, joined his fellow miners in advertising for wives. The result of this advertising was the basis for the 1970’s movie ‘Paint Your Wagon‘ . In this movie multiple miners claim shares of a female similar to shares in a gold […]
007’s DB-5 Is Back
After the scene where this beautiful car is destroyed in the previous Bond movie ‘Skyfall’, Chainsaw Chicken purchased the salvage rights to the heap. A little bubblegum and bailing wire later and ‘voila’ he had his own DB-5. Unfortunately, he did not realize that the car they destroyed in the movie was the frame of […]
Sheen Announcement
Chainsaw Chicken announced today that he was informed by Charlie Sheen of his HIV status before they engaged in any consensual relationship. Chainsaw Chicken added that he demanded that they wash hands several times each day and that they wear protective footwear. Truth is, we shared several ‘chick’s’. Epstein’s Other Painting
Lessons to my Gina
Starlet Gina Lollobrigida as she became a world wide sensation. Her sexy pout you see here was a special act Chainsaw Coached her to use. As time went on they later became engaged and it went all the way to the that final day at the alter but when Chainsaw Chicken learned that she had […]
Not Based On Looks
A few years ago, Kraft Paper Products hosted the first beauty contest where the contestants we not allowed to show their face, thus judging was based on overall beauty rather than just facial looks. See if you can spot Mrs. Chainsaw. She got 4th place giving her a 2 year supply of Kraft Macaroni and […]
Yuckin’ it up with Chevy
Originally cast as Judge Elihu Smails, Chainsaw Chicken had a very open and progressive bond and ‘bromance’ with Chevy Chase. It was Chainsaw’s idea to do ‘Groundhog Day’ and he brought it to Chevy but Chevy passed on it in order to do his ill-fated talk show. Bill Murry then accepted the part and the […]
Happy Birthday, Mr. Chicken
This is a covert photo of Chainsaw Chicken and Marilyn Monroe in a private room after she gave President Kennedy her now famous ‘cat-call’ birthday rendition of the children classic song, which she sang at his birthday party in 1961. Later, she was disappointed to learn how roosters approach love-making in an entirely different way […]
Google Self-Driving Car
Chainsaw Chicken was selected as an honorary member to receive the new Google Self-Driving car. “It was such a surprise to open the front door and see this parked in front of my coop. I simply don’t have a way to express my thanks. I guess this means I don’t need to go through the […]
New Test For Sanity
Finally, there is a ‘fool-proof’ test for your mental sanity and stability. This test was developed by Prof. Poppycock Chicken to instantly diagnose the sanity and psychosis someone may be suffering from. Start by gazing at the the stationary Blue/Yellow orbs in the rows. If they are not moving, then you are okay and have […]