Remember when you sat in front of the TV each day, a fudgesicle in one hand and a glass of ‘Rootin’ Tootin’ Raspberry’ Funny Face drink-mix in the other when Captain Kangaroo would come on. Those were the days… But did you know the dark secret of Mr. Green jeans, the Captain’s friend and associate […]
Sea Hunt is back!
That right! The spine tingling underwater drama of Mike Nelson taking on the world’s problems from a child loosing his bike in a drainage ditch to a B-1b bomber accidentally dropping it’s load of undetonated hydrogen bombs deep in an adversarial lake area like Russia or Texas. NBC has a habit of taking old and […]
Grüne Polizei
Chainsaw recently imported a genuine Green Police (Grüne Polizei) VW from Germany. As the leaders of the Green Doctrine around the world they have become known for their forward thinking, woke-ness, progressive, yet moderate edict spew onto the populace of the country. And it’s coming with the new controllers in government right here in River […]
The Emu is OUT!
That’s right! The Emu is gone. “We’re tired of chasing that stupid angry bird all over the studio lot” said the production manager of those ongoing Liberty Mutual commercials. “We need something more manageable”. Time for nephew Tab Chicken to step in. Tab is a struggling print model that was told at a young age […]
Steamed Tenders
New Years Resolution in action! Chainsaw and his twin sisters, Lavern and Shirley, have pledged that this year they are going to do what it takes to lose those unwanted extra Covid-19 pounds. Like the commercials say, our work is just too close to the refrigerator, or in our case to close to the grain […]
According to Whoopie
Last week, Chainsaw’s aunt, Ilean (not his Chinese aunt Irean) was in the hot seat as a guest on The View. In a moment of superiority and total authority, Whoopi Goldberg said that Joe Biden should appoint his wife Dr. Jill Biden Surgeon General. Whopie continued. “She’s a hell of a doctor”. “I’m hoping Dr. […]
New Foods to Eat
Oh Yum! Look what’s coming! Seems that since the start of 2019, customers of some supermarket chain called Kaufland have had the choice between garlic and herb flavored mealworms, or buffalo worms with hints of sour cream and onion. Hmmmm… my mouth is watering, from bile. And then there’s foods made from insects, such as […]
Chainsaw Pardoned
Phewww! I was beginning to think this wouldn’t happen but President Trump, on his last day in office has pardoned me, in writing, for the world to see! No longer can I be held responsible for those things I may or may not have done. That’s right! I was pardoned for any and all, past […]
Before Corn Pop
Who in the modern world has not heard about the Battle of ‘Wilmington Pool’ changing the future of the great state of Delaware where Mr. Biden was a life guard at the Wilmington aquatic club pool? Legend has it that this infamous confrontation took place over pomade, a mis-identification (thinking Corn Pop was Ester Williams) […]
Chainsaw Banned
“I’m in good company I guess”, said Chainsaw Chicken when he was informed that all his social media has been blocked. “Check it out, just try to find me. you can’t on Facebook, Facebook Messenger, Twitter, Instagram, MeWe, Tumbler, Stumble, Trip and Fall, Google, Yahoo, My Space, WhatsApp , TicTok, Zoom, WeChat, QQ, Douyin, Sina […]
Turkey Round Up
Another group of turkey leaders have been rounded up and so we can all feel better, according to the alphabet lettered news networks. These turkey leaders are the one’s that have daytime talk shows on the web and on radio. They spout insurrection and radical discussions with many controversial guests. The latest round up group […]
USAF says No UFOs
With the 180-day UFO disclosure started when President Donald Trump signed the latest COVID-19 stimulus bill we can now stop the clock. The USAF, Pentagon and other spy agencies have officially revealed what they all know about UFOs to the American public. “There are no UFO’s, no aliens, no abductions, no crashed space ships and […]
Trump Sending Again
In a sudden brainstorm, Chainsaw has instructed President Trump how he can begin to communicate with his followers now that he has been dumped from all the major texting and messaging programs popular in the country. “Twitter, Facebook, Instagram,… all of them refuse to allow me to speak. But thanks to Chainsaw Chicken and a […]
Zypie Whon Ver 2.0
Chick-Jong-Phew, (seen here with the official country haircut), Supreme Leader of North Korea, appear at the same time as the US presidential swearing in, held a military test-firing of that country’s largest-ever intercontinental ballistic missile, ‘Zypie Whon Ver 2.0’. North Korea’s ‘minister of things that go up’ stated this super-high performance bottle rocket improvement now […]
Say the Magic Word
“Say the magic word and win $100 dollars” Famous words always announced by Groucho Marx as he began his show ‘You bet your life’. Back in the ’50’s when his program was so popular, there was bonus when someone said whatever the selected “magic word” was in conversation, then a bird would drop. What bird? […]
Tom Buys Chickens
Tom Cruise has shelled out “huge sums” for two high-tech robots to enforce coronavirus safety protocols on the set of “Mission: Impossible 7” – and also administer spot tests to the crew, according to a report. These robots were purchased from ArmorGallus, LLC (a sub-division of Chainsaw Chicken International, Ltd.). These are non-lethal versions of […]
Ohio State Mixer
Try as he does, Buford Chicken, a freshman, attempts to win the attentions of some typical women attending the campus mixer at Iowa State annex of the local Community College. Maybe he should not have offered her yet another vodka and hot double chocolate drink with mint marshmallows? Hangin’ with Elton […]
Dems Want More
Democrats feel that even the 30,000 armed National Guard troops surrounding Washington D.C. for the Biden inaugural ceremonies on January 20th are not enough. A call has been sent to Maj. Truman ‘Scuffy’ Chicken, brother to Chainsaw Chicken, to fly his Fairchild A-10 Warthog overhead the Capital to ensure a ‘peaceful transition’ when the reins […]
New Mars Face Seen
With the new offerings of image enhancements from the Chinese Government (by way of an American software developer, farming out work to cheaper Indian computer techs using Chinese monitored Zoom calls review the project). The images and mapping was re-fed through the computers with the more sensitive enhanced software. ‘Looky-looky what we found on the […]
BidenCare Czar
Today, Joe announced to the world that in an effort to be able to provide health care to all occupants within the borders of these United States, legally or with ‘voluntary entry’, the duty’s will be going to tribal medicine man Chicka Boom Swalilly from the nation of Chickestan. Swalilly, after leaving his leadership position […]