This painfully despicable killer thinks he has received the better end of a deal by demanding a bucket of KFC (Kentucky Fried Cousins) and some decadent ice cream. He thinks will that wash away his guilt. How killing my friends and family members and serving them up to this extreme felon can in any way […]
Follow The Comet
Missing out on the Hale-Bopp comet event with the Heaven’s Gate followers, Bobby ‘Bongo’ Chicken always felt he was left out. He took it upon himself to try to catch up with those who preceded him back in ’97. ‘Bongo’ purchased the Niki’s, black pants, purple sheet and apple sauce. He stared at the Marshall […]
Gigantopithecus Selfie
While on a recent excursion into the wilds of the Asian sub-continent, Anthropological Professor Alsasian Chicken of Wossamotta U straightens up from is morning bird-bath (similar to a sponge bath, but no sponge and no nurse) to see a Gigantopithecus intensely watching his actions. Ever on the ready, Alsasian Chainsaw takes this most unusual selfie […]
Star Trek Type History
As a youngster, Chainsaw’s father, Chester Rutherford Chicken wanted to join the navy. All he ever thought about was ships and the great sea stories he was told as a child or had read in books. He volunteered for the Pee-Wee Junior Naval Auxiliary Inland Seaman’s Corp at the age of seven. He was issued […]
’62 FFA Q&A With JFK
In 1962, the White House held a greeting for the FFA (Future Farmers of America) winners around the country. Many future popular figures can be seen in this publicity photo. From the left to right you can see my cousin Vinny Chicken, Charles Hardin Holley (known as Buddy), Li’l Jimmie Chicken (in the back), William […]
KFC Opens in Saigon
As the new franchise opens, there are protests from the first day. There is no fooling the public about the killing and harvesting of these innocent chickens. “Who did they hurt? What harm did they cause?” asked Ramadan Chicken from the Tibetan Ashram near Saigon. These words were murmured shortly before Ramadan immolated himself in […]
Second Space Walk
In March 1965, at the age of 30, Soviet cosmonaut Alexei Leonov made the first spacewalk in history, beating out rival Chainsaw Chicken on Gemini 4 by almost three months. Chainsaw did, however, release a fertilized egg into space in hopes that some Alien species might find it and realize that there are other life […]
Where’s Your Curtsy?
Webster says ‘Curtsy … a formal way of greeting an important person in which a woman shows respect by placing one foot slightly behind the other and bending her knees.’ However Mrs. Chainsaw Chicken did not hold this faux pas against the Queen when the Queen failed to preform this gesture. Mr. Chainsaw Chicken found […]
Bay of Pigs Informant
Recently released FOIA documents have finally revealed the name of the informant that helped Castro be alerted and prepared for the Bay of Pigs invasion. His name was Bahía de Cochinos. This coincidence in name with the actual location of attack has clouded the investigation. However, Chainsaw Chicken learned from the death bed of Bahía […]
Proposal to Casey
Yes, the word is out and it is better to get in front of it. Chainsaw Chicken officially announces that he proposed to Casey Anthony. He did this soon after she assumed that he may be father of her current pregnancy Rumor flew around the last time she gave birth (probably from Chainsaw again) that […]
Squeeze Tube Inventor
This is Edward Scozillia Chicken, a friend of the family, back in 1935. Yes, he developed the concept of the squeezable tube used by medicine and over the counter product manufacturers around the world. His family was very wealthy until the Colgate conglomerate cheated him out of his patent. He liked to play cards while […]
Evolution Is In The News
Back in the news is the new evidence of evolution within the scientific community with the discovery of a prehistoric Great Ape that has become identified. Found in the jungles of Borneo, this mummified carcass of an unknown offshoot species supports that my relatives evolved from apes. Many called this the ‘Missing Link’ that finally […]
Hydrotherapy Trials
Following the introduction of hydrotherapy to the U.S., John Harvey Kellogg employed its use at Battle Creek Sanitarium, which opened in 1866, where he strove to improve the scientific foundation for hydrotherapy for mentally ill patients. Quincy Hornblower Chicken, (no relation) was one of the first to be studied and attempt to receive a cure […]
Isolator in SAGA Magazine
The “Isolator” that was featured in an article from “Saga” Magazine was designed to help focus the mind when reading or writing, by rendering the wearer temporarily deaf. The Isolator would pump the wearer full of nitrous oxide (NO2 – also mistakenly call Laughing Gas), and eliminate all outside noise. The Isolator also isolates by […]
Power Ranger Murderer
Skylar Deleon, of the Mighty Morphin’ Power Rangers, was convicted on three counts of first-degree murder. Deleon was convicted of killing Tom Hawks and his wife Jackie after departing on a test run to sell their 55-ft. yacht, the “Well Deserved” (No Kidding). The deaths of the couple came from him tying them to an […]
Civil War Reunion
Well, please meet The real Colonel Angus Chicken. This is the real person the skit was based around. He informally used his father’s first name as Anneal. Yes, Anneal Angus, like on TV. We see him here at the 25th reunion of the end of the civil war held in Memphis, TN where remaining officers […]
Carter Finds Tutan Chicken
In November 1922, they found it. Carter had discovered not just an unknown ancient Egyptian tomb, but one that had lain nearly undisturbed for over 3,000 years. What lay within astounded the world. Young Tutankhamun Chicken was an Egyptian pharaoh. Predecessor to the famous Chainsaw Chicken celebrities. 90210 Mushroom Feeder
Everything is Turkey!
Why is everything on the news and in the paper about Turkey? On Thanksgiving and Christmas we eat them and now we talk about them. I just don’t get it! Also… every single headline used is in bad English. Here’s an example: “Turkey Buys Terrorists Oil”. They don’t even try to name them. It should […]
Busted – Locked Up
A New Mexico individual pleaded guilty to disorderly conduct for having such loud sex that it shook the furniture in a neighbor’s home, and then threatened his neighbors for complaining about it. Rio Poco residents who shared a row house wall with Snook ‘Big Burrito’ Chicken, 25, had complained of sex noises, loud music and […]
Out of Fashion…
Mrs. Chainsaw Chicken admits that it may not be politically correct but she broke out her Yves Saint Laurent designed hooded cap made of Blackglama® natural black mink. This is her latest ‘Glamour Shots’ photo taken at the mall as a gift I give her yearly. It’s a wonder what they can do with some […]