Again, the treat of Russian Collusion has reared its’ ugly head! Chainsaw Chicken has been arrested by the Special Prosecution headed by Robert Mueller. His crime? He willfully and knowingly listed the 1982 movie ‘Red Dawn’ (the original one with Patrick Swayze , not the remake with Thor fighting off a North Korea invasion) as […]
He Made His Bones
“You’s guys must respect his works and acheivemental accolades” piped Sonny-Boys as they vacationed at the Florida shore. “How’s ya’s thunk he earns his ‘nick’?… ‘Chainsaw’? He buzzed them undesirables into breakfast sausage.” The Capo’s all posed for a remembrance photo. Seen on the far left is Errol “The horse” (he owns a stable I […]
Klondike Nuptials
‘Deadpan’ Chicken, an ancestor of Chainsaw Chicken during the gold rush in the late 1800’s, joined his fellow miners in advertising for wives. The result of this advertising was the basis for the 1970’s movie ‘Paint Your Wagon‘ . In this movie multiple miners claim shares of a female similar to shares in a gold […]
Lessons to my Gina
Starlet Gina Lollobrigida as she became a world wide sensation. Her sexy pout you see here was a special act Chainsaw Coached her to use. As time went on they later became engaged and it went all the way to the that final day at the alter but when Chainsaw Chicken learned that she had […]
Chainsaw, Bill and Monica
Chainsaw Chicken (seen sitting at the desk behind) was the exclusive cigar merchant for the Clinton Administration. He lived two floors above Monica Lewinsky in the Watergate apartments and was the contact between Bill and Monica. It is rumored that Bill, Chainsaw and Monica met at his apartment for Ménage à trois (which is French […]
Easter Bunny Training
“Spring has sprung… The grass has riz… I wonder where the bunnies is?” According to Chainsaw Chicken, they are all in advance Easter production.”There are a ton of Easter baskets needing to be filled with bunny eggs”. Consider the concept of changing over the process of what bunnies traditionally drop in the yard to something […]
Scarce As Hen’s Teeth
A saying from the 18th century, it is somewhat accurate for the phylum of domesticated chicken, Gallus Gallus Domestica. However, there is a superior specie called Carnivorous Gallus Ubiquitous that did, in fact, have a large, serrated, toothed upper and lower beak. Scientist have long postulated that current inherent fears of certain creatures came from years […]
Remember Jr. High girls?
Think back to those Junior High or Middle School dances. It seemed that all the girls would group together against one wall. I never could figure out why they did that, but you have to remember the lights were turned down. It was probably providence acting to save me from meeting my next ex-wife. […]
Viking Heritage
Okay… I admit it. I keep seeing that commercial about a guy looking at his ancestry. I decides to use my DNA to show where my family is from according to factors within the chromosomes and blood elements. So, I tried it and this is what I got for results; The first reply stated that […]
‘Chuck Atlas’ Chicken
Many of us grew up seeing ads similar to this one on the back or inside pages of comic books and teen magazines. If you could dig one up and take another look at it you would see that it was Chainsaw ‘Chuck Atlas’ Chicken pumping his guns on the bright yellow background. Go take […]
ISIS Takes a Brother
Seen on the Al-Ma-Nut-Job web site today is a photo of the leader of ISIS, Abba Zabba, holding the head of a local Christian Church Leader. His name was Bob Chicken. An official protest was filed at the Swiss council but fell on deaf ears. A new memorandum is being sent to Past Secretary of […]
Zodiac Re-Opened
The sleepy city of Tierra Del Fuego in Central California raised its head to see this new sketch of the infamous Zodiac Killer that terrorized their community years ago. This new drawing has emerged from one of the only surviving witnesses latest descriptions. Using a new mind numbing procedure, it allowed the witness to gather […]
Where’s Dirty Harry?
Chief Heather Thong or Fong (left), is the first SFPD female, lesbian chief of police. Harry (next) is the first trans species detective formally a duck to a chicken. Theresa Sparks (center), a former male, is president of the San Francisco Police Commission, CEO of a multi-million dollar sex toy retailer offering a new “Dirty […]
El Pollo Comancheros
The Chicken Feathers Gang headed by “El Wapo Pollo Pluma” (great grandfather to Chainsaw Chicken) was a notorious southern border mercenary gang in the 1870’s. In fact, the popular belief that the movie Magnificent Seven was based on the Japanese story of the Seven Samuri’s is a misconception to some degree. Both stories are based […]
Early Chicken Worship
In the middle-ages, the early family of Chainsaw Chicken had followers that would dawn outfits made of hand sewn burlap and dried gourds to imitate his look. Thus capturing in their minds the powers and presence of their hero. Seen here is a early tin-type of a Chainsaw Chicken Chorus group chanting during the half-time […]
A Disappearing Park
“Chopsticks” Chicken, an Asian 3rd cousin removed, was a honored and respected person within the Japanese culture in the 20’s and 30’s. He would run around and give money to random people daily. So regularly that people became used to his dispensing money. On a day when he ran out of money early, he coined […]
Arty Chicken, Spy Killer
There is a dark side to some of Chainsaw Chicken’s relatives. One had CIA assassin training during the cold war. Arty Chicken was a known double agent. He had arranged to go on a hunting trip with a Soviet agent and his handler. Arty was told by the ‘Agency’ that these two agents were to […]
Takes Lickin, Keeps Tickin
June 30th, 1946 Able Atomic Test, Bikini Atoll. The military authorities and scientist had promised the Bikini Atoll native residents that they would be able to return home after the atomic tests. A majority of the islands family heads agreed to leave the island but not all of them. The outcast clan of the Fearless […]
‘Bacon’ Chicken
He was never mentioned much at family gatherings. No one seemed to really want anything to do with him. He was never at school events or family functions. Didn’t finish school. Didn’t even attend either of his parents funerals. He was a real a**hole. Every family seems to have one like him. Incidentally, he gained […]
Skull and Chicken Bones
Skull and Bones, a secret society at Yale University, added a new member, Chainsaw Chicken in October 1968. In November, 1971, this obsequious organization was supposedly disbanded. There is a hidden list which is kept at Yale’s library under a bookshelf with a false panel. In this list of notable ‘Bonesmen’, Chainsaw Chicken was a […]