Most people do not realize that Chainsaw Chicken was on the varsity basketball team with a young Barack Obama at Punahou High School. This team had the longest loosing record in Hawaii’s high school history. This specific season, the record was 22 losses and one win. This win was because the opposing team, the Hawaii […]
It’s A Girl! Congrats!
No… Not mine… Really. Well… maybe. Ahhhh… Look at the sweet thing. She has her father’s nose and her mother’s eye’s! She is adorable. Really…! Stunning! That’s what you get for ruining Facebook and making it into a money pit! Look for their MySpace page for more info. You might say I got my revenge. […]
CC Gets his Star!
Chainsaw Chicken was recently honored by the Film Actors Guild (FAG) and awarded a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. “It was such a honor to be selected” he stated at his press meeting. Chainsaw’s star is placed near the front doors of the business’ “Fredrick’s of Hollywood” and the adult video Arcade “The […]
New Friends to the Rescue
My niece was driving in the badlands of New Mexico last week and evidently took a wrong road. She followed it for miles until her TomTom GPS device stopped saying “Turn around and head back to the last town” and started saying, “Don’t Stop, Whatever you do! Your goose will be cooked”. She called me […]
He Made His Bones
“You’s guys must respect his works and acheivemental accolades” piped Sonny-Boys as they vacationed at the Florida shore. “How’s ya’s thunk he earns his ‘nick’?… ‘Chainsaw’? He buzzed them undesirables into breakfast sausage.” The Capo’s all posed for a remembrance photo. Seen on the far left is Errol “The horse” (he owns a stable I […]
Ryan the Raker
Not Based On Looks
A few years ago, Kraft Paper Products hosted the first beauty contest where the contestants we not allowed to show their face, thus judging was based on overall beauty rather than just facial looks. See if you can spot Mrs. Chainsaw. She got 4th place giving her a 2 year supply of Kraft Macaroni and […]
New Test For Sanity
Finally, there is a ‘fool-proof’ test for your mental sanity and stability. This test was developed by Prof. Poppycock Chicken to instantly diagnose the sanity and psychosis someone may be suffering from. Start by gazing at the the stationary Blue/Yellow orbs in the rows. If they are not moving, then you are okay and have […]
A refund before we go
Last Friday, as I was on my way out to go clubbing with Caitlin Jenner, I had to swing by Walmart to take back an item. When I got up to the agent she asked for the item to be refunded. I had a slice of pizza in the bag from one of their pre-made […]
Easter Bunny Training
“Spring has sprung… The grass has riz… I wonder where the bunnies is?” According to Chainsaw Chicken, they are all in advance Easter production.”There are a ton of Easter baskets needing to be filled with bunny eggs”. Consider the concept of changing over the process of what bunnies traditionally drop in the yard to something […]
Yugo Limo for Hire
Always ready to take advantage of a deal when it rolls around, Chainsaw has purchased this very hard to find and extremely unique Yugo custom limousine from a Croatian car dealer. “There’s row after row of seating. It’s very special. Just in time for prom and the Wine tours. I only wish there would have […]
Remember Jr. High girls?
Think back to those Junior High or Middle School dances. It seemed that all the girls would group together against one wall. I never could figure out why they did that, but you have to remember the lights were turned down. It was probably providence acting to save me from meeting my next ex-wife. […]
‘Crocky’ Finally Located
Known for his hi jinks and tom-foolery, ‘Crocky’ Chicken, (born Eugene Palmaroy Chicken) was finally located yesterday. He was an employee at the Queensland Regional Dangerous Animal Park. Rumor had it that he had walked away from his job after failing to appears for the third sequential personal safety meeting. “Sheba”, the star salt-water croc, […]
Viking Heritage
Okay… I admit it. I keep seeing that commercial about a guy looking at his ancestry. I decides to use my DNA to show where my family is from according to factors within the chromosomes and blood elements. So, I tried it and this is what I got for results; The first reply stated that […]
ISIS Takes a Brother
Seen on the Al-Ma-Nut-Job web site today is a photo of the leader of ISIS, Abba Zabba, holding the head of a local Christian Church Leader. His name was Bob Chicken. An official protest was filed at the Swiss council but fell on deaf ears. A new memorandum is being sent to Past Secretary of […]
Who wears rubber masks?
I tell you. I can’t understand this one. This is not Halloween. This is something else. Can you believe that in some cultures there are groups of people that wear rubber masks of bird heads? Ridiculous! I just don’t see the point, if there is one. I have seen a video of “10 Creepiest things […]
My New Girlfriend
Mrs. Chainsaw Chicken and I have what would be labeled as an ‘open relationship‘. More specifically, I have an open relationship, she is monogamous. But in my defense, I am a rooster… a MALE rooster. So there’s my excuse. I said all that to say this. Meet my girlfriend Shebooka. I playfully call her ‘She-Bazooka”. […]
A Disappearing Park
“Chopsticks” Chicken, an Asian 3rd cousin removed, was a honored and respected person within the Japanese culture in the 20’s and 30’s. He would run around and give money to random people daily. So regularly that people became used to his dispensing money. On a day when he ran out of money early, he coined […]
Arty Chicken, Spy Killer
There is a dark side to some of Chainsaw Chicken’s relatives. One had CIA assassin training during the cold war. Arty Chicken was a known double agent. He had arranged to go on a hunting trip with a Soviet agent and his handler. Arty was told by the ‘Agency’ that these two agents were to […]
Hey dude…!
What’s up!!!? How about getting a life? Chainsaw Chicken keeps running into the stereotypical actions of his grandson ‘Stoner” Chicken. Let’s see who can identify with these traits in your home? Wears only black t-shirts (usually rock bands that were popular when YOU were young but he thinks he has discovered them). Stays up until […]