“Yo homie! You be lookin’ for some eggs? My posse got chew covered! “My’man… Take a gander at my stable and pick what Lay-dee you can use. You gets to keep all the little hard-shelled juniors she puts in your crib! “Step off if you can’t pay for the gain but stay to play if […]
The Feel of Vinyl
I’m not sure if Mrs. Chicken is trying have fun with me or if she’s serious. She talked me into wearing one of these all-over vinyl suit, mask and all. I have trouble breathing and it is hot. I sweat like the dickens when I wear it. She says she thinks I look like a […]
I feel better now
I really do feel better now. Just had my last ECT treatment. The full medical name is Electroconvulsive therapy. Things seem so much clearer now. Why did I ever question things like the elections, vaccinations, origins of covid, the ‘laptop from hell’ and soy being put in everything? Sure, I was a little obsessive about […]
A New Pecking Order
You’d think that Chainsaw Chicken lived at the 118th Congress. There’s this interloper that has decided to roost in his place and he has challenged Chainsaw in the pecking order. They’ve gone back and forth as leader of the house 15 times! He needs Mrs. Chicken to step in. Just hope she doesn’t vote ‘present’.
Taking the Deep Dive
In an attempt to be the first, Chainsaw Chicken has made arrangements to walk from San Fransisco, California to Honolulu, Hawaii… under water. We know that the popular notion is that it is simply impossible to travel that far under water. But, in the age of identifying one’s self as “whatever I need to be”, […]
Dog Attacks Family
It seems that tragedy is always standing arms length from the Chainsaw Chicken family. Last weekend was no exception. As the family enjoyed a simple picnic at a local park, little did they know that a paralyzing event was about to happen. As the family enjoyed their pickle loaf sandwiches and basked in the warm […]
Ancient Mating Ritual
With our anniversary happening, the Mrs and I decided to reenact an age old ritual from our ancient Galliformes clan. It’s a performance of the male chicken (can we still say that?) posing over the female in a subservient position ( I’m SURE we can’t say that!). In order to actually get to do this, […]
Put on Bread & Water
The Mrs. put me on bread & water again. I know, I know… She probably feels she was entitled to do it. And I may have actually earned it but who’s to say? I might submit that it is a matter of point of view. Here are MY facts. All I did was go next […]
Final Sentiments
Uncle Cluck’s life ended with a parting gesture expressing his final sentiments. Final services were held at Kwaa Loon Kitchen, on south Broadway Street in downtown. Attendance was limited to two tables each seating four. No family members were allowed to attend because of local health codes. Additionally, there was a genuine fear of ‘copy […]
I am a Triplet
I am a Triplet. I know. We all look identical because we are. You can really tell we’re brothers. That’s me on the left. That’s Ichabod is on the right. He’s a life coach. Aloysius is in the center. He’s the local MMA featherweight Champion. I like to think that I’m the ladies man but […]
Chicken Crime Scene?
The reporters heard the call over the police band radios. “We have a possible 10-54d (Possible dead body) at the end of Main street on the west side. Please 10-55d (Send coroner) to the location.” Within minutes there was a pool of of media vultures taking picture of my poor friend Roscoe Pullet. He was […]
Wedded Bliss
The day finally arrived. Where you in attendance? It was the blessed wedding of Scooter and Skippy. They are cousins of mine from opposite sides of the family. They met at a family birthday for Grandma ‘Bubbles’ Chicken and were instantly attracted to each other. So much so that twice they were told to “knock […]
10 car pile-up
Last week, I was driving along on the Pasadena freeway. I took the exit at Pico Boulevard and was moving well with traffic. I had my tunes playing and I was in the groove. All of a sudden the station played some Bobby Goldsboro song and I just had to change the dial. I reached […]
Confessions Cover Girl
I can remember as a young pullet, I would walk past the magazine stand in the city and see all those Hollywood gossip magazines, detective magazines and soft ‘Men’s’ magazines full of provocative titles and suggestive photos. An example of this was my favorite one called “Exciting Confessions“. Little did I know that the very […]
psycho-anal-ass
My doctor suggested that we try a new style of mental therapy. I believe he said it is something like ‘psycho-anal-ass’. Never heard of it before. Sounds like there will be some very personal discussion. I remember that Alfred Hichcock movie ‘Psycho’. Creepy movie, for sure. But I don’t have my mother sitting in a […]
The Real Billy Jack
Some of you may have heard the name Billy Jack. There may be a few of you that suffered through the series of movies created leveraging the name Billy Jack. But who was Billy Jack? There are some that claim he was a half-breed Navajo and German vagrant, discharged from an elite military unit defending […]
Like my Christmas lights?
Hey! How they hangin’? I’m talkin’ about my Christmas lights? They look so much better with the lights off inside my house. I kinda like the inside lights off at night. I can watch the neighbors house or the people strolling down the sidewalk. It’s as though I am invisible. They might be creeped out […]
New Chainsaw 8-Ball
It’s about time. In an agreement with Mattel, Chainsaw has introduced a new version of their classic ‘Magic 8-Ball’. Many of us remember friends sitting around cross-legged in a circle. Each of us taking our turn asking the magic ball a deep and secret question out loud, then inverting the ball to see the answer […]
The transcendental chicken
♫ Hare Krishna ♫ Hare Krishna ♫ Krishna, Krishna ♫ Hare Hare… ‘Ching’ sounded the finger cymbals at the end of the chant. Mahavishnu Chicken closed his eyes, breathed in the incense smoke of sandalwood and chanted “Gunga galunga… Gunga, gunga-galunga”. ‘Ching-Ching” again chimed the cymbals. Mahavishnu Chicken continued to chant with expectations of connecting […]
Send a message
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