Have you noticed all the reports this year of “mass culling” of millions of chickens and turkeys? The corporate media blames it on “avian influenza” that’s acquired from “wild birds” flying across the country, they claim. Because of these wild birds, tens of millions of chickens and turkeys have to be slaughtered, they insist. I […]
Mr. DJ, would you play…?
“Hello??? Mr. DJ??? This is Betty Shields. I’m the President of the Malibu League of the Chainsaw Chicken Fan Club”. “Well hello little girl”, the DJ replied. “I wasn’t aware of any club like that. Who’s it for? Some Chicken?” “Oh yes sir!” She exclaimed; “He is very special. At least to us. He is […]
Too Much Christmas Cheer?
We had a Christmas party this year at Chainsaw Chicken International, Ltd. Everyone had a great time. We had a White Elephant gift exchange. Every time someone exchanged a gift, we all had to take a drink. Soon, the room reeked of Egg Nog and Spiced Rum mixed with some Mountain Dew. I have to […]
Taking the Deep Dive
In an attempt to be the first, Chainsaw Chicken has made arrangements to walk from San Fransisco, California to Honolulu, Hawaii… under water. We know that the popular notion is that it is simply impossible to travel that far under water. But, in the age of identifying one’s self as “whatever I need to be”, […]
Fake Abduction
UFO’s are now called Unidentified Aerial Phenomena or UAP’s. There has been a drastic increase in their sightings. So many videos have surfaced from military jets chasing after these strangers from outer space. But have you heard of the more chilling news about abductions? Literally dozens of people around the United States have been reported […]
Dog Attacks Family
It seems that tragedy is always standing arms length from the Chainsaw Chicken family. Last weekend was no exception. As the family enjoyed a simple picnic at a local park, little did they know that a paralyzing event was about to happen. As the family enjoyed their pickle loaf sandwiches and basked in the warm […]
People Magazine
People Magazine has added to it’s offerings of ‘special issues’ by printing an issue titled “Sexy Critter in the Yard”. Many in the media see this as an attempt to recapture the readership base which has fallen for the last several years. Morti Goldstein of the Ad agency in his own name stated, “Many failing […]
Ex-Storm Trooper
Boy did I step in it! In the last few months Disney had waived some of their hiring standards and I got a gig being a Storm Trooper at the Star Wars ride. We had to learn to march and practice different formations. I was actually doing a pretty good job with it. I really […]
Quickdraw McChicken
The Cowboy and Indians Museum in Norman, Oklahoma announced today that they have selected my uncle, Quickdraw McChicken, to be their newest honoree. This brings attention to the pending lawsuit the family of Quickdraw McChicken has against McDonald’s Hamburgers over the ownership of the McChicken name. This name has been used, advertised, profited and maintained […]
Torsion Collider Discovery
Professor Xavier Chicken stumbled upon a mathematical theory that combines quantum physics with long division resulting in a new scientific realization of a Torsion Collider Discovery. No longer is it only CERN that can create alternate realities and ‘God Particles’. With an heavy accent as thick as Klaus Schwab, Professor X. Chicken said at his […]
World Cup Upset
The world watched as a late entry team competed in the FIFA World Cup. Utilizing the current popular trend of claiming ‘equity’ as a point of contention, the Country of Chicktopia was shoehorned into the playoffs in Qatar (pronounced gĭ-tär′ – probably electric). It was a rather dull match against the team from Country of Iran. […]
Turkey Day Joke
Strange Bedfellows
Strange Bedfellows? Could be… Rumors swirl that the FTX Corp team all lived together in a ‘poly’ relationship with each other. Sam Bankman-Fried is said to recruit guests to join the dynamics of their group. Here we see Chainsaw evidently being welcomed into the fold. No news of Representative Water’s status within the group. Some […]
My FTX Tragedy
I’ve been trying to call and text FTX Chief Executive Sam Bankman-Fried all day. I get nothing! No call backs or replying text. I want to know what to do! With the news that FTX has failed and filed for protection from the courts and that Sammy-boy is in trouble with the authorities, I needed […]
Wakanoda with Feathers
When Chadwick Boseman, portraying the original Black Panther, died in 2020, Marvel knew they had to do something to carry on the very profitable franchise. What to do? We at Chainsaw Chicken International, Ltd went to Hollywood and made a ‘pitch’ to the creative staff at Marvel. Rather than trying to find another person to […]
Tyson Exec Sleepwalking
The chief financial officer of Tyson Chicken was arrested in Arkansas over the weekend after he entered a random woman’s home while intoxicated and fell asleep in her bed, according to police. The CFO, was found asleep at the home in Fayetteville on Sunday at 2:05 a.m., according to the preliminary arrest report. Tyson’s headquarters […]
New A.I. Competitor
The new money making idea in the corporate world is artificial intelligence. Called A.I. The usual names we all think of have been investing Billions into this technology. All in the hopes to come out ahead of the rest of the pack to get the ‘big bucks’. Chainsaw Chicken International, Ltd has jumped into the […]
Sotheby’s Auction Item
In Sotheby’s Auctions latest Catalog, page 12, you will find a mint quality 8-track tape, apparently treasured by Ottis Dewey Whitman, Jr. And who was this Ottis guy? You probably know him as Slim Whitman. Yes, Slim Whitman. A favorite artist to tens of millions of listeners from senior centers and rest home facilities throughout […]
Arrival at Martha’s Vineyard
Once we heard the welcoming message posted throughout Martha’s Vineyard, Chainsaw and his whole family decided to relocate to that wanting island. We traded eggs for a great big school bus that had been used by a local organic commune. They had decided to go ‘all-electric’ using rechargeable flashlight batteries on a used Chevy Volt. […]
Chuck’s Groom of the Stool
With the beginning of a new Royal Dynasty, Albert Reginald Chicken III has volunteered to assume the role his family has occupied, dating back 100’s of years. What role could that be? Well… his family has been ‘Groom of the Stool’. Generational training continued over the century’s, never knowing if their specialized services would be […]